


Mumbo jumbo, voodoo, jujitsu, hocus-pocus

by Beth H (bethbethbeth)



Category: due South
Genre: Crack, Gen, flashfiction, showtunes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-12
Updated: 2003-06-12
Packaged: 2017-10-05 17:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethbethbeth/pseuds/Beth%20H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the 180 Degrees Challenge for <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/ds_flashfiction/">ds_flashfiction</a>.  Set after "Seeing is Believing"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mumbo jumbo, voodoo, jujitsu, hocus-pocus

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not in a million years...

Biting down hard on his thumb to keep from laughing, Ray stood outside the door of Fraser's office and listened as the final chords faded out.

_"Oh! You were right, sir! That was exhilarating"_

"Thought you'd like it, Ren. Okay, movin' on. Let's try that little number from West Side Story again. This time, you can be Rosalia, and I'll be Anita."

A giggle escaped Ray mouth before he could stop it. "Oh man, where's a video camera when you need one!"

"I'm glad you're finding this so amusing, Detective," hissed Inspector Thatcher. "He's been like this all afternoon!"

"Singing show tunes?"

"Oh, not just show tunes. I've also been treated to a stirring rendition of the greatest hits of ABBA, complete with choreography, and what sounded like the penultimate scene from the film Papillon. Oh, good Lord, there he goes again."

_"I like to be in America!"_

Ray pounded on his chest with one fist, laughing so hard that tears started streaming down his face.

"This is not funny! I had to close the Consulate an hour ago when he started asking our female visitors whether they sang alto or soprano. You have to do something, Detective!"

"Me? Why do _I_ have to do something?"

Thatcher glared at Ray. "Because much as I loathe the very thought at the moment, he's your partner . . . and also because I'm certain I can detect your handiwork there, somewhere."

"I haven't been here all day!"

"You were skulking in the halls at seven this morning."

"Yeah, I was . . . _skulking_ for about five minutes, but just so I could drop off the wolf's new tags and give Fraser shit for . . . . hmm."

"What is it, Detective?"

"Okay, so yesterday, down at the station . . . remember when he hypnotized us?"

"Indeed I do. And in case you're wondering, I'm also aware of certain post-hypnotic suggestions that were made during that session."

"Oh. You found out about that, huh?"

"Your Lieutenant Welsh was good enough to share that particular detail, one which was apparently overlooked in Constable Fraser's otherwise complete report."

Ray snorted. "Yeah, well, all I said this morning was that next time, _he_ was going under, and he said something about him being impossible to hypnotize, and so I swung my badge in front of his eyes, read a couple pages from the administration manual and then, uh, I told him to grab his ankles and quack like a duck."

"And?"

"And nothing. He just stood there, looking all smug, you know, with the raised eyebrow? And then I went over to the 2-7."

"Nothing else transpired? You neither did, nor said anything else?"

"Is there an echo in here? Is it raining? No, I didn't say anything . . . except for the usual crap I say when he gives me the eyebrow."

"Which is?"

"Which is . . . I don't know, the _usual_. You're a freak. Lighten up. Get that stick out of your . . . . oh. Wow. I hypnotized him, didn't I?"

_"I'll get a terrace apartment!"_

Startled by the falsetto tone Fraser had adopted, Thatcher glanced at Fraser's door, then turned back and glowered at Ray.

"Yes, I think we can safely say you did. I'm leaving for the day, Detective, but when I come in tomorrow, I expect to find both my constable and my consulate back to normal. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," he muttered in the direction of the back of Thatcher's head as she left.

"Hey, Fraser?" Ray reached for the doorknob. "Cauliflower!"

_"I know a boat you can get on!"_

"Eggplant? Tomato? To-mah-to?"

_"Ah, Ray! Just in time! 'Her name was Lola! She was a showgirl! . . . .'"_

~~*~~*~~

 

Ray arrived at the Consulate the next morning to find Fraser kneeling on the floor, looking worriedly at Dief.

"Something wrong with the wolf?"

"Perhaps not wrong as such, but . . . give him a command, Ray."

"A command?" Ray snorted. "To Diefenbaker? Has hell frozen over?"

"Ray, please just . . . ."

"Yeah, okay. Sorry. Diefenbaker, sit!"

The wolf sat.

"Whoa! That's weird. Let's see if he'll . . . Dief, roll over."

The wolf rolled over.

Fraser stood up. "He's been like this since yesterday evening. Following instructions, staying within calling distance . . . Ray, what do you see on Turnbull's desk?"

Ray looked. "A plate of . . . . "

"Beignets. A dozen beignets have been sitting on this desk for the past hour, and Diefenbaker hasn't even glanced in their direction. I'm sure you can see why I'm a bit . . . concerned."

"Yeah. He's acting all . . . oh. Uh . . . .Fraser? Dief was in your office with you yesterday morning, wasn't he?"

"Of course, he was. But what does that . . . oh, Ray. For God's sake. Diefenbaker, too?"

"Hey, this one was an accident. I swear! I just said 'be a good dog,' and . . . ."

Fraser looked down at the wolf and frowned. "I had no idea he was so suggestible."

"Like father, like son," Ray muttered.

Fraser sighed. "Ray, if you wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, sorry." Ray crouched down on the floor. "Dief? Cabbage!"

The wolf blinked twice, then trotted around Ray, planted his front paws on Turnbull's desk, and before either of the two men could stop him, emptied the plate of beignets.

"Well," said Fraser, "it would appear everything's back to nor . . . . "

The front door flew open, and in walked Turnbull, wearing nothing but black leather pants and a pair of motorcycle boots.

"Mornin', boys," drawled Turnbull.

Fraser took a deep breath. "Ray?"


End file.
